What did we do last night that was yellow?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
