she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
