you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
