You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Randomize
