You can't motorboat a personality
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
