p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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