It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
