I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
