I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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