Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
