Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
