And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
