You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
