the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
