Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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