There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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