capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
