he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
