she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
