I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
