"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
