I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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