used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
