this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
