My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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