onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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