i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am midnight drunk by noon
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
