Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
