You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
