Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
