She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
