i barfeds in our rink
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
