Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
