I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
