handjob tips. give me some.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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