You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
