I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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