did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
