there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
