I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
