im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
