i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
