Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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