its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
