She said her name was "party"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
