I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
