After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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