I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
