just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
