Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
