Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
