The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
