im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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